Unbreakable Dog Rules

Somehow these just make sense...

1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a
specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the "dog house".

2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his
own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his
dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a
comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two for one deal along with the dog
house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever the hell he pleases.

6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture, but not the new furniture.

8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old
furniture, and then we'll sell the whole damn works and buy new furniture -
upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the
covers.

12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers, but not with his head on the
pillow.

13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head on
the pillow, but if he snores or farts, he's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and fart and have nightmares in bed,
but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now
sleeping. That's just not fair.

15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary
resident" even if it's true.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his
tongue.
- Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful.
- Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
- Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
- Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
- Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare, and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
- M. Facklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are
incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
- Sigmund Freud

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and there will be very, very few people there.
- James Thurber

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
- Penny Ward Moser

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times
before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
- Franklin P. Jones

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog,
it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get us ed to the idea

-Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. ( I have tested this theory and it is true)

-Phil Pastoret