Never think God's delays are God's denials, hold on

Marriage - Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady

and after the wedding, he laid down the following

rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time

I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I

expect a great dinner to be on

table unless I tell you that I won't be home for

dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and

card-playing when I want with my old

buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules.

Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just

understand that there will be sex here at seven

o'clock every night ......... whether

you're here or not."

(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)

************************************

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of

their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a

headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

******************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at

the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and

says, "And you are no good in bed either,"

and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides

to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the

phone after many rings, and the irritated husband

says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his

achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he

starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite

of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that

it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife

is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of

his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of

discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready,

Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

**************************************

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would

need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early

morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first

to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece

of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it

where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it

was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he

was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened

him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The

paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests

God may have created man before woman, but there is

always a rough draft before the masterpiece.