Dear Tide,
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it since
the  beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.  Now
that I  am older and going through menopause, I find it even better!
In fact, about a  month ago, I spilled some red wine on my white blouse.  My
unfeeling and  uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was
and generally  started becoming a pain in the neck.  One thing led  to
another and I ended up  with a lot of his blood on my white blouse.  I tried
to get the stain out using  a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come
out.  On a quick trip to the  supermarket, I got a bottle of liquid Tide
with bleach alternative, and to my  surprise and  satisfaction, all of the
stains came out! In fact, the stains  came out so well, that some detectives
who came by yesterday told me that the  DNA tests were negative and my
attorney said that I would no longer be  considered a suspect!
I thank you, once again, for such a great product.   Well, gotta go.  I have
to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
Signed,
A Relieved Menopausal Wife