A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong
one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient. Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I
heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
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I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from
the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your
hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E
on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had
done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
with both his eye! s covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
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During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that
he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me
to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
hoped I wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body! Now the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband
was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
"So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the je lly and the woman produced
a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
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A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when
a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk
rocker Mohawk, sporting a varie! ty of tattoos, and
weari ng strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,
"Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed,
the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."