Should be Hallmark Cards

        1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to
        love. And now that you've come into my life...
        (Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
      
        2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
        (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
      
        3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
        (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.
      
        4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
        (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back?
        You'll probably need it again.
      
        5. Someday I hope to marry...
        (Inside card) - Someone other than you.
      
        6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
        (Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
      
        7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
        (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep
                               your promise.
      
        8. We've been friends for a very long time...
        (Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
      
        9. I'm so miserable without you...
        (Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
      
        10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
        (Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
      
        11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship
        and there was only one life jacket...
        (Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.
      
        12 Your friends and I wanted to do something special for
        your birthday...
        (Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
      
        13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
        (Available only in
Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)
      
        14. Looking back over the years we've been together,
        I can't help but wonder...
        (Inside card) - What was I thinking?