GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME
 
  ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
 
  I attacked and took over two countries.
 
  I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury.
 
  I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history.
 
  I set an economic record for the most private bankruptcies filed in
  any 12 month period.
 
  I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock
  market.
 
  I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
 
  In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on
  vacation by any president in US history.
 
  After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided
  over the worst security failure in US history.
 
  I set the record for most campaign fund raising trips by any president
  in US history.
 
  In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their
  job.
 
  I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any
  other president in US history.
 
  I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
 
  I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president
  since the advent of TV.
 
  I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than
  any other US president in history.
 
  I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to
  intervene when corruption was revealed.
 
  I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused
  to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
 
  I cut health care benefits for war veterans.
 
  I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
  take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the
  record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
 
  I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US
  history.
 
  I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in
  US history.
 
  Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US
  history. (The poorest multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron
  oil tanker named after her).
 
  I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market
  in any country in the history of the world.
 
  I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and
  military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the
  will of the United Nations and the world community.
 
  I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
  increases, more than any other president in US history.
 
  I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations
  remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
 
  I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations
  remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
 
  I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
  congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US
  history.
 
  I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
 
  I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by
  default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
 
  I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate
  campaign donations.
 
  The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my
  best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy
  frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron
  Corporation).
 
  I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US
  history.
 
  I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack
  (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
 
  I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
 
  I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a
  year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the
  biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
 
  I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the
  people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to
  world peace and stability.
 
  I am the first US president in history to have the people of South
  Korea feel more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor,
  North Korea.
 
  I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
  government contracts.
 
  I set the all time record for the number of administration employees
  who violated US law by not selling their huge investments in
  corporations bidding for government contracts.
 
  I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties from Americans than
  any other president in US history.  In a little over two years I have
  created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided
  that the US has been since the civil war.
 
  I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less
  than two years turned every single economic category heading straight
  down.
 
 
  RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
 
  I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas
  driving record has been erased and is not available).
 
  I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during
  time of war. I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions
  about drug use.
 
  All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away
  to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public.
 
  All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
  bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
  view.
 
  All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served
  on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
 
  Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding
  public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
  review.
 
  PERSONAL REFERENCES:
 
  For personal references, please speak to my dad or uncle James Baker.
  (They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle Group where they
  are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for
  the next one).