Snappy Answer #1
  A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
  As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
  Without missing a beat she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2
  A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the
grocery store, but  couldn't find one big enough for her family.
  She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
  The stock boy replied,
  "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3
  The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding  rolled down his window.
  "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
  The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
  When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the
kid on his way  without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4
  A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A
sign comes up that  reads  'low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of  him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
  Cars are backed up for miles.
  Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his  hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of  gas."

and finally...

#5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam.
  "Now class,I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.  I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious  personal injury or  illness,  or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no  other excuses whatsoever!"
  A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his
hand and asks,  "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was  suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
  The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering.   When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
sympathetically at the  student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,   "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your  other hand."