ITALIAN

Let's start at the beginning. Come stai? Molto bene. Bon giorno. Ciao.  Arrivederci. Every Italian from Italy knows these words and every Italian-American should. But what about the goomba speech pattern? Those words and phrases that are a little Italian, a little American, alot of dialect and a little slang. Words every paison and bacciagaloop has heard, words we hear on The Soprano's and throughout our Little Italy neighborhoods of New York and New Jersey. This form of language, the "Goomba-Italiano" has been used for generations.

It's not gangster slang terms like "whack" or "vig", if that's what you are thinking---nope, this is real guido tawk!

The goomba says ciao when he arrives or leaves. He says Madonna Mia anytime emotion is needed in any given situation. Mannaggia, meengya! , oofah, and, of course, va fungool can also be used. Capeesh? He uses a mopeen to wipe his hands in the cucina, gets agita from the gravy (sauce) and will schkeeve meatballs unless they are homemade from the famiglia. Always foonah your bread in the pot of gravy or you will be a mottie or a goo-gootz. Mezza-fanooks are usually mamalukes and the girl from the neighborhood with the reputation is a facia-bruta puttana or a schifosa whoore. If you are called cattivo, gabbadost, schfatcheem, stupido, or strunz,  you are usually a pain in the ass. A crazy diavlo can give you the maloikya (evil eye), but that red horn will protect you if you use it right. Don't forget to always say per favore and grazie and prego. If you are feeling mooshadd or stunad or mezza-morta, always head to Nonna's and she will fix you up with a little homemade manicott', gavadell', or calamar', or some ricott' cheesecake. Mangia some zeppoles, canollis, torrone, struffoli, shfoolyadell', pignoli cookies, or ! a little nutella on pannetone. Delizioso! I think I'll head to the kitch and fix myself a sengweecj of gabagol'   with some proshoot and mozarell' or maybe just a hot slice of peetz.

So salud' if you have any Italian blood in you and if you understood anything I wrote here. If so, you are numero uno and the professore of the goombas. If you don't get any of this, then fa Nabola with the whole thing and you are a disgraziato.   Scuzi, me dispiachay, I didn't mean that. Just fugheddaboudit! Go get your Fila running suit on and skip to the Bada Bing to spend some shcaroll' and have a good time with a mala femina.... Joe Pesci said it's ok.